Six: Ew.

Guess what?

I'm furious.

Why?

I've once again been called anorexic

One)
Just because someone has self restraint
and is skinny because of that,
does NOT mean they are anorexic.

Two)
If you really have to tell people they're anorexic
with anger rather than compassion,
you're just another fucktard who is jealous as hell.

I'm sure some of you are disagreeing with me.
Go ahead. Thats your perogative.
But look.

"Dec. 12 - An American doctor is helping treat a set of Australian twins who have suffered from anorexia nervosa for more than two decades. The ordeal of 34-year-old twins Clare and Rachel Wallmeyer has been followed closely by the public in their home city of Melbourne, Australia. Several months ago, Clare, who has the bone density of a 72-year-old, weighed only 58 pounds, and Rachel, with a bone density of a 100-year-old, weighed 48 pounds. "

Do I fit that description? No.

Those two girls, combined, are less than 110 pounds.
And trust me, I'm about 20 pounds over 110.

I dont eat, you say?
Well. That might be because people like you judge me so often
that I have panic attacks from being told my upcoming project in class
requires an oral presentation.
so why should I want to stuff my face infront of you?

If you still feel like being an asshole, sure, you can message me with your argument in return. But quite honestly, I wont take your argument seriously. Why? Because I know I'm not anorexic. Yes, I'm more critical about myself than other are, but thats normal, eh?

Yes. I flip out when people call me fat/anorexic. But guess what. Maybe thats because when I was almost 10, my mom asked me if I had a problem, or if I was pregnant. Numerous times she asked to see if my belly button was poking out, because she wanted to believe that I was pregnant rather than me being fat. So, for the sake of my sanity, since I'm crying just thinking about how torturous my mother was with my weight issue, I try to keep myself within a certain weight range.

wanna know that range?

125-140.

I dont STRIVE to have my ribs being seen,
or not have an appetite for days because I never eat in the first place,
or hell, I dont want to lose my hair from malnutrition.

For a school english paper, I researched the symptoms of anorexia, and I didn't have one. Out of practically 30 symptoms, none applied to me.

So. If you say ANYTHING about my weight
at all,

I will either start sobbing and never talk to you again,
or beat you over the head repeatedly with the nearest metal object.

You have been warned.

Cinq: 100 Reasons Why Daniel's THE ONE.

1.He makes me smile.
2.He makes me happy.
3.He is so beautiful.
4.We both think the same way.
5.We love the same things.
6.We are both awesome.
7.We are both retarded.
8.He is so funny.
9.He always makes me feel better.
10.He is the best kisser.[Hey, tingles count too!]
11.He is the best cuddle buddy.
12.I can be my full self around him.
13.He always compliments me.
14.He always does things for me.
15.He always wants to be with me.
16.He tickles me.[Or, I imagine he would ^^.]
17.He stares into my eyes. [I hope!]
18.He tells me he loves me, and he means it.
19.He is himself around me.
20.We both speak the truth.
21.We have cute promises.
22.We are always together.
23.We miss each other after 1 second being out of sight.
24.He still takes my breath away.
25.I still think he is beautiful.
26.I love him more and more every day.
27.We both have fat animals.
28.We get along all the time.
29.When we fight/argue, theres always a resolution.
30.We dont take ANY SHIT, we dissagree about who loves each other more, and it stays a dissagreement.
31.We both want kids.
32.We both want to marry each other.
33.We both think the others adorable with no reason.
34.We have the most fun evar.
35.We always fart.
36.We are comfortable to do anything around each other.(except for pooping.)
37.His smile makes me smile.
38.His voice makes me happy.
39.He is so romantic.
40.He is the nicest person Ive ever met.
41.When he is around me, I get the butterflies.
42.Everyone thinks we are perfect for each other.
43.We get to see each other everyday.
44.Our parents accept our love for each other.
45.We love watching movies together.
46. I still think he's gorgeous.
47.He makes me believe I'm beautiful.
48.He makes me cry, but in the happy way.
49.He'll do anything to make me happy.
50.We are not only lovers, but best-friends.
51.We both love Dr. Pepper.
52.He's crazy!
53.He's a stinker.
54.He has good style.
55.He has amazing eyes.[Even if they do look kindof demonic.]
56.He has nice looking hair.
57.He is beautiful.
58.He has a perfect figure.
59.He's so cute!
60.He's talllll.
61.He loves me.
62.He has a cute belly.
63.He has nipples. [Just like everyone else. o:]
64.He looks so cuddle-able!
65.He's got great hair.
66.We joke around about everything.
67."Dont question my inferior intelligence!"
68.He has good gaming skillz.
69.He is smart.
70.Everyone loves him <3.
71.Everyone thinks hes gorgeous.
72.Everyone is jealous of what we have.
73.He isnt ashamed of P.D.A. [haha. BY A ROAD!]
74.Hes not embarrassed to be with me.
75.He makes all my dreams come true.
76.He is in all my dreams.
77.He makes me feel good.
78.I am so lucky to have him.
79.He gives me hope.
80.He gives me love.
81.He gave me strength.
82.He has given me everything Ive ever wanted.
83.He is a dream come true.
84.He is soooo cute!!!!!!!!!
85.He says the cutest things.
86.He says the sweetest things.
87.He buys me pretty much everything, even if I dont know I want it yet.
88.He is well mannered.
89.He is respectful.
90.He is such a bumhole sometimes.
91.He loves to relax.
92.He gives the best massages.
93.He has a cute mini-accent.
94.We talk every day no matter what.
95.He is a great writer.
96.He is always happy.
97.He does everything for me.
98.He lives for me.
99.Well always be together.
100.We are deeply, truly in love...

Currently Reading Ending The Search For Mr. Right: How to Be Found by the Man You've Been Looking For By Michelle McKinney Hammond see related

Quatre: FURY.

I'm officially fed up with my parents.

Nkay. So I'm a little freaky. I cut myself open when I'm drunk, laugh and clap with joy when they comment on me going to electricute myself, and eating too much of the wrong foods and none of the good ones.. But still. They bug me. They know just how to get under my skin.

"Its your fault your brother had that car crash."

"WHY IS THE HOUSE DIRTY." <-- directly directed at moi.

"I have wrinkles." .... Hmm. Thats your fault mom. its called AGING. its NATURAL. no one's going to think your hideous cause you have crows feet. Guess what. face lifts and botox look fake after about the fifth time. Stop getting it done. Stop pretending to be happy about the pain you're in cause you paid someone to break your face and say. "There. ALL BETTER! moneeeeyyyy ooooooh." when in reality, you look worse. You're not barbie. You cant be like, 75 and still look 20, so STOP. please. For the sake of your children. You'll get cancer in your face and your jaw will fall off because you wanted some magic plastic put in your lip. Its just as good as drinking radiation or taking way too much extacy. And then the medication afterwards? It looks like you're a reject oompa loompa who got beaten up for being different. Parts of your face turn purple and others turn bright yellow or orange. Gawd. And you think you look BETTER?!

Now, enough about my mom. Lets get to butchering my father.

He's a reject weirdo too. 'sept, he's a smurf. But he's a purple smurf. Daddy has rosacia. And he gets this medicine for it that makes him look like he's got wet scabs or cancer all over. Its like he's got leprosy (and yes, that IS spelled right.) That, and then, he's got no hips. His chest goes out so far that he looks like a rectangle from the side, cause his stomach sticks out too. He's shorter than my mother, and completely bald, and even though he's fifty six years old, all he does is fixate on school. Gotta do homework. Gotta know names. Gotta know everything. Those stupid commercials on tv, "know your kid."? Get a grip. You ask your kid what happened at school today, make sure theres no one under the age of ten around. People have sex at school, throw desks at teachers, make bomb threats because of tests.. And once, this kid even brought a bat to school, so the school cop took it and the kid wouldn't stop fighting even after that, so he broke the bat on the kids back. And he still fought. Hullarious. And then these girls used lockers like cheese graters for each others faces. That one was great too. Made me puke, but none the less a great memory of how fucked up society is. Point is, parents should stop giving a damn about school, because the kids do their homework if they're not pressured into it. I've got friends who get all A's cause their step-dad hits them if they dont, and they're literally dead if they get less than a C. Stop making your kids live your dreams. Stop trying to make them perfect, because in the end they'll rebel and eventually pick your nursing home (haha, HOWS THAT FOR PAYBACK?!) And if you've got daughters, stop trying to make them boys. No matter how much they hate makeup and all that shit, dont force them to join school teams because you did it, or because you want them to.

I'm tired of nearly drowning because my dad wants me to be a swimmer, just like him.

I'm tired of being told my feet are huge, I know this already, fucktards. My breasts are too, stop calling me Dede or Titty, I'll punch you in the face.

I'm tired of being asked the same question repeatedly until I snap, and when I do snap, its the end of the world for me, because that hard headed asshole wont let me get a word in edgewise.

This rant was completely constructed for me feeling better. And indeed, it did make me feel better. However, I still want a gun. And someone to shoot it. Its hunting season at my house. :]

Currently Reading The Ultimate Weight Solution: The 7 Keys to Weight Loss Freedom By Phil McGraw see related

Trois: The Dreaded Song.

"Goodnight, Goodnight"

It's not enough to hear me say you've won
You only wanted me for having fun
But now I think you've gone and had your way
And left me with a pile of bills to pay
I can't even rewind the tape machine
To listen to your drunken reasoning
So here it is - your final lullaby

So goodnight, goodnight
You're embarrassing me
You're embarrassing you
So goodnight, goodnight
Walk away from the door
Walk away from my life
So Goodnight

I've given up on social niceties
I threw 'em out when I threw out your keys
Along with all your records I can't stand
You never even listen to any one of them
You're never gonna drag me out again
With all the people that were never ever even your friends
So here it is - your final lullaby

So goodnight, goodnight
You're embarrassing me
You're embarrassing you
So goodnight, goodnight
Walk away from the door
Walk away from my life
So goodnight

A little bit of rain I'd say is fair
But when it starts to thunder they all stare
This isn't goodnight, this is goodbye...

So goodnight, goodnight
You're embarrassing me
You're embarrassing you
So goodnight, goodnight.
Walk away from the door
Walk away from my life

So goodnight, goodnight
You're embarrassing me
You're embarrassing you
So goodnight, goodnight
Walk away from the door
Walk away from my life
So goodnight

-- To my special singerman loverboy;

Please dont ever sing me that song...

I love you too much to want to hear that from you.

I'd literally die. Like. On the phone.

Currently Reading Dr. Radium Battles Phill, King Of The Pill Bugs (Dr. Radium Collections) By Scott Saavedra see related

Deux: "Drama doesn't follow me, it rides on my back."

Mother May I's new name: "Miss Murder, Can I?"

Mothers PMS is worse than any person I've ever met, including the scary mothers on the street who slap their kids. Unfortunately, mother never whooped me into shape.

Like mother like daughter apparently. Especially after the first and only period, which lasted a record breaking 2 minutes! Yay me.

Good job? Indeed. As unfortunate as getting a magical bleeding minute is, it was fun. I'd never gotten one before, and no matter how much the cramps hurt, its one step closer to being normal enough to start a family.

If you're still reading beyond the gross periodness, good for you. You love me. Now onto an actual rant. I'm furious with my doctor. FURIOUS.

"Oh, no, you're still infertile. And even if you can get pregnant, both you and the child will not survive."

And apparently even though I'm still a virgin, he's convinced I'm not. Do I really come off that way?

I want to come back from vacation, really, really bad. I cant stay here. Mothers and their kids, baby seagulls outside my parents window, learning to fly... My own mother wishing she didn't have to adopt, and me, wishing the same thing for the future.

As some of you might know, I'm adopted. Mother dearest got pregnant with a boy who would have been known as David Christopher Hoffman Anspach-Forbes. Yeah. Really long name. I guess its a common thing between all of us kids. He was stillborn, and mom was really depressed.

Three years later, a 16 year old gave birth to a daughter who was adopted by my parents, and then, another three years later, a 26 year old woman attempted to give birth to twins, and died, as well as my brother. I was sent to my family, with people who abolutely despise me, for whatever reason.

But you know whats great about all of this family shit?

No matter what, the one person who I love the most, who loves me the most.. Helps me through it all. Makes me smile when I want to cry, and comforts me the best he can when I'm upset. And I'm holding him to his promise of trying and trying for kids ;D It really sounds like a ton of fun, love.

Currently Watching Mary-Kate & Ashley Olsen - Our First Video see related